As someone who’s tired of Internet pop-up ads and huckster emails, I occasionally find myself getting cranky while reading between the fingers I’ve placed in front of my face. I get especially annoyed when I’m reading my news feed and see that there are photos of women’s underwear malfunctions or belly-fat warnings next to articles on Mr. Putin’s strategies and the future of Social Security. It takes online advertising to a new, crass level.
So, to my great surprise I have recently begun to actually read the subject line for local-deal emails before I hit delete. More often than not I burst out laughing.
A whole new world of humor has opened up to me. This morning’s email deal subject line was Online Singing Course, Garage Door Tune-Up, and A Chinese Dinner for 16.
More examples from the last week or so were equally off-putting (and unintentionally hilarious):
- Queen of Sheba, Financial Trading Course, and Tidy Garages
- Knee, Ankle, and Elbow Braces, Folding Dog Stairs, and Camping Mystery Box
- Powdered Peanut Butter, Deluxe Orthopedic Dog Bed, and Monkey-Feeding Experience
- Skinny Noodles and Rice, 95% Off an Online Photography Course, and Salt Cave Session
My wife, Brown Eyes, has always maintained that when it comes to humor I live at the intersection of Words Boulevard and Whimsy Avenue. So she’s not surprised that I’ve now begun to make up my own ludicrous headline triads. What fun! Home Lobotomy Kit, Taffy Maker, and Conversational Urdu In 30 Days. Operatic Training, 100% off on Pet Squids (give these cuties a home!) and Open Air Luxury Cruise—Deeply Discounted During Hurricane Season. I could go on and on.
Seldom one to leave well enough alone as long as it fits within the Do No Harm rule, I am launching a Worst Email Message Line Contest. The person who posts the funniest response to this blog will win dinner for two chez Brown Eyes and me. If the contest winner is local (in the Sarasota/Bradenton area), I’ll cook the dinner and my wife will choose the wines. An alternate prize is a $100 gift certificate to the restaurant of your choice. The contest entry deadline is 12 p.m. on January 15th. My editor and my PR consultant will be the judges, two women who know about humor and then some.
In these days of scary headlines and trashy content, it’s exciting to not only sponsor a humor contest but to invite all my readers to join me on the corner at Words Boulevard and Whimsy Avenue. If you’ve never met me, you’ll recognize me. I’ll be the guy laughing out loud.